Kosong

Aku lelah merangkai kata-kata agar kau mengerti.
Aku lelah memahami hanya agar kau tak pergi.
Aku lelah memaafkan hanya untuk menjaga harmoni.

Aku terlalu lelah untuk marah.
Aku terlalu lelah untuk meneteskan air mata.
Aku terlalu lelah, untuk kembali merasakan lelah. .

Hingga kini aku mati rasa.
Bukan, mungkin lebih tepatnya, aku kehilangan semua rasa yang pernah ada.

Kini aku merasa kosong.
Lalu ku mulai bingung. . .

Aku Ada Di Hadapanmu, Maira.. (Part 1)

Maira berlari cepat ke kamarnya. Ia tak ingin seisi rumahnya melihat ia menangis. Ia pun melempar tubuh mungilnya ke atas kasur dan terisak. Air matanya berjatuhan tiada henti. Semalaman Maira tak berhenti menangis. Akhirnya ketika fajar mulai tiba, ia pun tertidur karena lelah..

•••

Hari itu hari Minggu. Sudah lewat pukul dua siang, tapi Krisna tak kunjung mendapat kabar dari sahabatnya, Maira. Biasanya, gadis mungil dengan rambut hitam legam yang panjang itu selalu meminta Krisna untuk menemaninya berjalan-jalan pada hari Minggu, atau sekedar memintanya datang ke rumah. Karena penasaran dan khawatir, lelaki berwajah manis itu pun beranjak ke rumah Maira.

"Maira nya ada, Tante?" Tanyanya sopan pada ibu Maira yang membukakan pintu.

"Lho nak Krisna, tumben jam segini baru datang ke rumah.. Ayo masuk, masuk. Maira sejak semalam tidak mau keluar kamar, dia juga belum makan seharian. Coba kamu bujuk dia ya," ujar wanita paruh baya yang masih terlihat cantik persis seperti putrinya itu.

Krisna pun menuju kamar Maira. Mereka sudah saling mengenal sejak 5 tahun yang lalu, ketika mereka baru sama-sama masuk ke Sekolah Menengah Pertama. Sejak saat itu pula, Maira tidak bisa lepas dari sisinya. Sejak itu juga, ia menjadi sahabat sekaligus penjaga Maira. Dan sejak saat itu pula lah, Krisna jatuh cinta padanya.

"Mai, ini aku. Aku masuk yaa.."

Begitu melihat Maira, hati Krisna terasa seperti tercabik-cabik. Matanya merah dan berair, wajahnya pun nampak muram. 'Lelaki mana lagi yang tega menyakit malaikat ku?!' Ujar Krisna dalam hati.

Namun Krisna mencoba menenangkan hatinya, lalu perlahan ia bertanya kepada Maira, "Kamu kenapa Mai? Cerita ya"

"Aku putus sama Anton, Kris! Katanya aku ini ngga sesuai sama harapannya! Cuma cewek manja ngga berotak, cantik pun engga!" Jawab Maira emosi sambil menahan tangis. Sakit hati Krisna mendengarnya.

Ya, Maira memang manja, tapi dia tidak pernah dan tidak mau menyusahkan orang lain, kecuali Krisna. Dan Maira adalah gadis tercantik yang pernah ia lihat..terutama ketika Maira tersenyum. Bibir mungilnya akan merekah di wajahnya yang bulat, dihiasi rambut hitam panjang yang lurus, serta matanya yang bulat yang selalu mampu mebuat hati Krisna luluh.

"Mai, aku kan sudah pernah bilang, Anton itu playboy. Tapi kamu tidak mau dengar.. Jangan didengarkan apa yang ia bilang, itu hanya alasan yang ia cari-cari supaya ia bisa memutuskanmu untuk wanita lain. Tapi bukan berarti wanita itu lebih baik dari kamu. Anton itu seperti anak kecil, yang selalu lebih tertarik kepada mainan baru meskipun mainan yang ia punya jauh lebih baik." Sebisa mungkin Krisna merangkai kata-kata yang bisa dimengerti Maira dan tidak menyakiti hatinya. Maira mulai berhenti menangis, dan mendengarkan Krisna dengan seksama seperti seorang anak kecil yang tengah mendengarkan nasihat ayahnya.

"Kamu itu cantik, Mai, sangat cantik. Bukan hanya wajahmu, tapi juga jiwamu. Ingatlah itu. Kesalahanmu hanyalah mudah salah menilai laki-laki, dan selalu jatuh cinta pada lelaki yang salah.. Sekarang usap air matamu, dan tunjukkan betapa cantiknya kamu."

"Kamu benar Kris! Aku saja yang terlalu mudah jatuh cinta sebelum mengetahui seperti apa lelaki itu sebenarnya. Mulai sekarang, aku akan lebih hati-hati lagi memilih pacar!" Jawab Maira bersemangat.

Sedikit sedih perasaan Krisna yang masih juga tidak dianggap sebagai 'laki-laki' dimata Maira. Namun melihat Maira sudah bisa kembali tersenyum, Krisna sudah sangat bahagia.

"Sekarang, kamu mandi yaa! Kita pergi ke kafe favoritmu, kita makan cheesecake, apa saja yang kamu mau, aku yang traktir. Bagaimana?"

"Horeeee!" Teriak Maira kegirangan. Ia pun berlarian ke kamar mandi. Krisna tersenyum simpul melihatnya. Malaikatnya yang rapuh, dan hanya dirinyalah yang mampu membuat Maira kembali tersenyum dalam keadaan apapun. Menyadari hal itu, sudah cukup membuatnya bahagia..

(Bersambung)

Bagaimana?

Bagaimana aku bisa terus menyayangimu, saat kau terus menyakiti hatiku?
Bagaimana aku bisa mempercayaimu, ketika kau terus mengelabuiku?
Bagaimana aku bisa terus mempedulikanmu, disaat kau tak sedikitpun memikirkan perasaanku?
Bagaimana aku bisa tetap bertahan, dikala kau seakan enggan menggenggam?
Bagaimana ku yakin kau mencintaiku, jika sikapmu tak berkata begitu?

Aku pun tak tahu, bagaimana cinta ini semakin kuat walau badai demi badai menghantamnya..
Yang aku tahu hanyalah satu, aku takkan pernah bisa berhenti mencintaimu..

Matahari Pagi

Biar cahaya sirna dikala malam, dan gelap menyelimuti bumi, pagi kan bersabar menunggu, kembali datangnya mentari.

Seperti cinta dalam hati, yang setulusnya ku persembahkan padamu. Yang tak peduli alang melintang yang tak bosan melukai hati yang rapuh ini..

Aku pun akan selalu menunggumu disini, menjaga cinta ini tetap suci.
Setia bagai pagi menanti matahari..

EGO

Do you know what thing that most likely to break a relationship?
Your EGO.
Everyone has their own pride, but when you're in a relationship, pride will only breaks your lover's heart, and alas, breaks your relationship.

Why?
Because with your big ego, you'd always want to win, win in every situation, every argument.
With your big ego, you'd never listen to your lover, just because you don't wanna feel like s/he's bossing you around, like you're his/her b*tch (pardon my language).
You don't want people to say that you're whipped.

So most of the time, you ignore your lover's words. Even most of the time what s/he said is for your own good, for your own safety, for your own happiness, and s/he said it because s/he cares..
But you just don't wanna listen.
You just listen to your big stupid ego.

By not listening, most of the times, you do what you're not suppose to, even though your lover has told you what those things would do to you.
And because you don't wanna listen, you're eager to do it, but you don't wanna argue with your lover, so you lie.
Covering your track. But in the end, s/he finds out anyway..

So it breaks your lover's heart.
But you still don't wanna listen, and you're not sorry, because in your ego's point of view, you've done nothing wrong, even though in your heart, you know s/he's right..

So you argue, argue, and argue.
Until s/he feels guilty because you make them think they're controlling you. Or until they're tired arguing with you, and then they let you go..

Well, ego will always win. I guarantee that.
But it'll never end well.
So the question is, will you let your ego controls you, or let your right mind speak?

Because when you're really in love, winning or losing doesn't matter at all..
What matters is how you show your love, keep it that way, and how to make your beloved happy.

Living in The Dream / Living The Dream

Some people think that those two sentences have the same meaning.
But nu-uh, it's not for me. Those two sentences have a very different meaning, it's the opposite of each other. Why? Let me explain it in easy way.

* Living in The Dream *

Even it sounds like fun, it's actually not at all.
"Living in the dream" means you waste all day in your whole life dreaming about something, without even dare to take just one little step to make it comes true. You're dreaming and dreaming, even the impossible things, but you have no will to make it possible. Then you just living your life with regrets, empty filling, and realizing something's missing in your life but never know what.

After a long time you'll be numb, can't feel a thing.
You smile but you can't laugh out loud. You're sad but you can't cry. You're hurt but you can't scream. A life you have is just a black and white straight path you walk on without any light.

That's the life most of us are living now..

*Living the dream*

This is the life I'm trying to live in.
This is the life everyone's been looking for.
Living the dream, make it happens by trying to make your dreams come true. Start it by take one little step forward and feel the encourage that comes afterward.

Live with no regrets or "if only" even thought you've failed, because no matter how you've tried and enjoying it. Living a life where there's no word "stop" or "give up". Living a life spontaneusly, not knowing what coming but prepare yourself anyway anyhow.

Living a life where there are rainbow, sunrise, moonlight and falling star. Living your life with full happiness, no matter how broke you are. Living your life with non-stop imagination to make it much more colorful.
Living a fulfilled life.
It's not a hard or impossible as it sounds.. Just believe there's nothing impossible in this world if we just have the will to tak one step forward to catch our dreams. Life will guide you anyway.

So from now on let's get yourself together and believe ini you ability.
Let's living our dream.

(Living The Dream on Tumblr)

Places in Europe (hopefully) I'll visit ❤

Lately, my dream about traveling all around Europe is popping in my head all the time.
It made me sure to really do it one day. And I promise my self I will. Here is a list of places I want to visit in Europe. I'll bet when you see some pictures below, I'm gonna hear some "Aww.." "Wow" and some sighs, haha. Enjoy :)

First of all, I'd like to go to Ireland!

1. Dingle (Length of stay: 10 days) - I fell in love with this city since I watched "Leap Year". A great movie sets in a great city. Beautiful, quiet, and have a cliff near the beach.

2. Dublin (Length of stay: 5 days) - When you come to a country, you definitely need to visit its capital. Dublin is a great city, but for me who planning to backpack around Europe, staying in Dublin too long would be just a waste of money :(

Now let's fly out of this beautiful country!

Next stop, would be Spain

3. Barcelona. (Length of stay: 7 days) - Of course, I will visit Madrid, maybe for about 3 days, but there's not much to see. So I'll just give you the beauty of Barca! One thing i definitely gonna do there is watch Barcelona FC's game live! And it has a beautiful beach too ❤

Amazing isn't it? But there are so much more beautiful places I love. Let's pack your bags and leave!

Third stop, The United Kingdom, England

4.  London (Length of stay: 5 days) - Probably just gonna visit Buckingham Palace and maybe reenact some FRIENDS scenes.

5. Liverpool (Length of stay: 7 days) - I really really wanna visit this city, because I'm a big fan of Liverpool FC, and I wish to see a game in Anfield. You'll never walk alone, mate!

6. Alpen (Length of stay: 14 days) - Such a beauty of nature, where mountains lined up and covered with snows and meadows rapped its feet. That's Alpen, baby! I always love to be on a mountain, I'm excited to see snow, and I love meadows! Alpen is a perfect place for me..

Football, snow, meadows, I found all that in England. And don't forget the Royal feeling just being in London and see the elegance of Buckingham palace. But enough about England. There's so much more place to go :)

Welcome to Germany

7. Berlin  (Length of stay: 5 days) - Berlin, such a big beautiful town, yet I found it's very cheap to live there even thou it's a big city..

8. Gelsenkirchen  (Length of stay: 3 days) - I don't know much about this city, I just know it because it's the city of Schalke 04 FC, haha. But it seems peaceful :) 

Okay let's get away from Germany. Now I'm gonna take you to a better place..

Austria, here I come !

9.  Vienna (Length of stay: 5 days) - I heard it's so wonderful out there. And it's gonna be amazing if I go there in winter :) It looks like all the city's been painted white~

10.  Zurich (Length of stay: 5 days) - Out of Austria, into Switzerland, where the best chocolate made. Just like what I love from Alpen and Vienna, it's the snow I'm looking for.

Enough for the snow. Now I need a little bit of romance in the air. We're in Europe anyway, aren't we? And I bet you know where to find love in Europe ❤

The country where sexiest men live, Italy

11. Rome (Length of stay: 5 days) -  Why Rome? For those who've watched 'Eat, Pray, Love' may not gonna ask this. But it is the most romantic city in Italy! And the pizza, arrrgh, I really want to taste their pizza. But maybe I'm gonna get some from Napoli. Anyway, Rome has a few romantic fountains with different stories. My favorite is the Fountain of Love. They say that if you throw a coin inside the fountain you'll meet you're one true love :) The movie 'When in Rome' used that story as inspiration. Oh yeah, don't forget their amazing Colosseum!

 

(When in Rome's scene)

12. Venice (Length of stay: 7 days) -  Ah well, do I even need to explain why Venice is such a romantic city??

13. Milan (Length of stay: 10 days) - I can't say how much I LOOOVEEE this city! I'm a true AC Milan's fans, a Rossoneri since I was just about 11 years old. And damn right I'm gonna be inside the San Siro stadium and watch them play! FORZA MILAN :)

I guess too much romance won't be good for me who'll be traveling alone. So let's get into my 'real' things, HISTORY! We're gonna visit some historical cities.

Romania, mysterious yet beautiful.

14. Transylvania (Length of stay: 15 days) - I want to visit this amazing country since I read a book about Vlad Tepes III, or known as Vlad Dracula. He's the source of every vampire's stories. But no, he's not a vampire. He was just a very very cruel Prince of Wallachia, Romania, who loved to torture his enemies to death and ate between their blood. Scary? Amazing to me !

We're still gonna visiting Historical Places, but not gonna be as scary as Vlad's history (eventhou I don't know yet about these upcoming cities' histories...), so let's take the train and leave!

Ukraine

15. Kamianets-Poldisky (Length of stay: 5 days) - I found this castle on Google, and I fell in love right away!

16. Khotyn Fortress (Length of stay: 3 days) -  Again, thank God for Google :)

And now, we're gonna visit the most romantic country in Europe, my favorite, my dream since I was a little girl, and gonna be the last place I'll visit on my Europe tour... Ready?

Bonjour, France ❤

17. Paris (Length of stay: 5 days) - City of Love. Heart of fashion world.

18. Provence (Length of stay: 20 days) - Last but the best, my favorite of all. A small city in South France. Such a beautiful city with lavender fields, sunflower fields and vineyards all over the city. Really really pretty. I once wrote about Provence before, here >> tumblr: provence , so I'm just gonna reminding you all a bit :)

Well, I guess that's all. Apparently, it needs 139 days to visit all of these cities and enjoy them. When I have enough money, time, and courage, I'm gonna do this!
Thanks for reading my fantasy, hopefully, one day it will come true :) By the way, what's your dream? Have you written about it? Who knows it will help you reach it :) 

Live your life to the fullest, you only live once anyway

(Europe on Tumblr)

Reaching A Dream

People have definitely different kinds of dreams. Sometimes a simple one, sometimes the one which looks impossible to reach.

Actually, “impossible” is just a matter of how we see things.

Yes, everything is possible. It’s just a matter of how wee see things.
When you look through and far to the future, everything is possible. But when you look to the present, and what’s in front of you, almost everything is impossible. That’s a problem almost everyone has when they’re trying to reach their dreams, a simple problem which almost everyone never realized.

When you have a dream, and have the will to reach it no matter what, look through at the future! If you just stay still, just whining about you current problems, how difficult your life is, you’ll get nowhere. You’ll just stuck with your current life, no future.

What’s in front of us now has nothing to do with your future. We make our own future.
Don’t be afraid to look forward, leave your problems behind, and imagine what kind of life you want to have. Nothing’s gonna stand between you and your future, except your own mind. What in front of you now is just a wall between you and your dreams.

Because by seeing your problems and what you’re having now will only pop questions which will break your spirit to catch your dreams, such as “What if … ?” “If … how could I … ?” and then doubts will appear, and then finally you’ll give up your dreams. If you look far to the future, imagining how your life could be if you reached your dreams, nothing would stand in your way. You’ll just excited to make your dreams come true and live a life you always wanted.

Our current problems should only be “now” problems. We have to fix it “now”. Not latter. And shouldn’t be our future problems.Anything else you think could be a problem in your future should be thrown away, and just believe, the only thing will stand in your way to catch your dreams is YOU.

When you have doubts, just think positive, and believe you can do anything. Regrets do come late, so do what you want to do and don’t let regrets come. It’s just a matter of how we think.

So from now on, starts your dream by listing it, imagining it, and find ways to get it. Throw away your doubts, believe in yourself, and start to look far to the future.

To turn the spirit switch on, let me start with my dream list :)

• Study abroad - First Destination : Berlin, Germany 
• Be an Event Organizer / Wedding Organizer
• Travelling around the world
• Marry the man of my dream : my current boyfriend ♥
• Having my wedding dream : Garden Party near beach with white theme and colorful tulips and roses all around

So now start making your list !
Close your eyes, and imagine how your life would be by reaching all of it.

(reaching-a-dream on Tumblr)

Sedikit romansa tidak akan menyakitkan

Romansa, atau dalam bahasa Inggris romance.

Biasa kita kaitkan dengan pernyataan cinta dan perasaan. Tapi sesungguhnya, apakah romansa itu?

Tidak, bukan saya bermaksud mengkuliahi. Tidak juga saya bermaksud sok pintar. Penjelasan dibawah ini hanyalah wujud dari bertumpuknya pikiran didalam otak saya yang berteriak minta keluar. Maka saya keluarkanlah.

Romansa, menurut saya, tidak hanya ada di dalam hubungan sepasang kekasih. Kita pun dapat menemukan romansa antar para sahabat, anggota keluarga, maupun romansa dengan binatang peliharaan.

Romansa, sekali lagi menurut saya, memang tentang cinta. Namun, hakekat cinta itu pun luas bukan? Cinta terhadap Tuhan, cinta terhadap alam, cinta terhadap sesama, cinta terhadap keluarga, cinta terhadap teman, dan cinta terhadap satu orang spesial yang diciptakan khusus untuk menemani sisa hidup seseorang.

Romansa yang sering dikaitkan dengan hubungan sepasang kekasih, menurut saya, justru tidak sepenuhnya benar. Sepasang kekasih tidak membutuhkan romansa untuk mempertahankan cinta mereka. Sepasang kekasih tidak butuh romansa sebagai alasan pemersatu mereka. Mereka sudah memiliki cinta, rasa percaya, dan kepedulian antar satu sama lain untuk tetap bersama.

Lalu, romansa itu apa?

Di kepala saya, kata yang muncul hanyalah satu "kegombalan". Mungkin bukan untuk romansa antar teman atau keluarga, tapi diantara hubungan sepasang kekasih.

Karena nyatanya, romansa digunakan untuk menarik perhatian lawan jenis, ketika perbedaan tidak dapat disatukan namun kehendak memaksa.
Romansa digunakan untuk mengambil kepercayaan lawan jenis ketika kejujuran tidak mungkin diungkapkan.
Romansa digunakan untuk menyenangkan hati pasangan ketika niat tersebut sebetulnya telah lenyap dalam hati.
Romansa itu digunakan, ketika nafsu sudah tak tertahan lagi.
Ya, menurut saya, romansa antar sepasang kekasih hanyalah bentuk sebuah kebohongan.

Namun, bukan berarti romansa itu harus hilang.
Tapi gunakanlah romansa itu dengan kejujuran.
Munculkanlah romansa itu dengan ketulusan.
Karena sesungguhnya, romansa itu pun penting. Sedikit romansa dalam hidupmu tidak akan menyakitkan, kawan. Tak perlu kau menjadi orang lain dalam mewujudkan romansa, tapi buatlah romansa itu sebagai penunjukkan jati dirimu.
Munculkanlah romansa sebagai perwujudan perasaan mu yang nyata.

 (Romance on Tumblr)